The Ballad of Okwari, of how Okwari came to be

Found in Malyesta ruins, and translated into English by the scholar Jackson -

"OHH YEAAH NOW LET ME TELL YOU MY STORY, MY TALE, MY AUTOBI-O-GRAPH-Y! IT ALL BEGAN IN A SMALL VILLAGE IN NORTHERN CHARANTE, ABOUT 30 YEARS AGO. VERY QUIET. VERY SECLUDED. AS THOUGH IT WERE THE TOWN HALL OF SECRE-CITY! A BOY WAS BORN, AND HIS NAME WAS HISTAAN! THAT BOY WOULD GROW EVENTUALLY INTO A MAN. AN H-MAN, IF YOU WILL. AND FOR THE MOST PART, HIS LIFE WAS GOOD. THAT IS UNTIL ONE DAY…"

"YEAH TROUBLE WAS A REARIN' ITS UGLY HEAD FOR THE H-MAN. IT ALL STARTED WHEN HIS MOTHER RETURNED HOME BATTERED AND BRUISED FROM A FIGHT WITH A HORRIBLE MONSTER. IT JUMPED BOTH HIS MOTHER AND FATHER WHILE THEY WERE FORAGING IN THE FOREST. H-MAN'S MOTHER ONLY BARELY MADE IT BACK ALIVE, AND H-MAN LEFT TO SEARCH FOR THE HORRIBLE BEASTIE! H-MAN FOUND HIS FATHER IN THE WOODS, BLEEDING OUT. HIS FATHER'S DYING WORDS WERE A DESCRIPTION OF THE MONSTER: IT HAD LARGE POINTED EARS, BLACK STINKIN' FUR, AND LARGE RED EYES THAT BURNED WITH A HELLISH FURY!"

"H-MAN RETURNED HOME, AND HE TRIED MAN! HE TRIED TO HEAL HIS MOTHER, BUT HE JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE KNOW-HOW! SO HE REMEMBERED THAT AN OLD WITCH LIVED SOMEWHERE IN THE FOREST, KNOWN FOR HER HEALING MAGICS AND POWERS. BUT H-MAN ALSO DIDN'T HAVE THE DOUGH! SO, HE LEFT FOR A NEARBY LION VILLAGE, SEEKING TO MAKE A FORTUNE. ON HIS WAY TO THE VILLAGE THOUGH, HE WENT DOWN A DARKER PATH, MAN! HE JUMPED SOME FELLA WALKIN HOME FROM A HUNTING TRIP, AND ROBBED HIM BLIND! ONCE H-MAN MADE IT TO THE VILLAGE, HE ATTEMPTED TO ROB SOME FOLK'S HOMES. BUT BEFORE HE COULD MAKE THAT CLEAN GETAWAY, THE LION FELLA THAT HE ROBBED ON THE ROAD SAW HIM AND SIGNALED THE GURADS! INTO THOSE WOODS H-MAN RAN! MAN O MAN DID HE RAN! IT EVEN BEGAN RAINING CATS AND EVEN DOGS, TO USE THE EXPRESSION! AND H-MAN KEPT RUNNING, UNTIL HE SAW SOMETHING PROWLING IN THE DAMPENED DARK."

"SOMETHING WITH A PAIR OF LARGE POINTED EARS"

"SOMETHING WITH BLACK STINKIN FUR"

"SOMETHING WITH LARGE RED EYES THAT BURNED WITH A HELLISH FURY"

"THE BEAST STRIKES AGAIN! FASTER THAN LIGHTNING, THAT BEAST POUNCED OUR H-ERO. OOH BUT H-MAN WAS STRONG…BUT NOT STRONG ENOUGH! HE RESISTED THE BEAST'S CLAW AND MAW, BUT HOW MUCH LONGER COULD ONE MAN, ONE H-MAN, LAST!?"

"AND IT WAS IN THAT MOMENT, OOOH THAT H-MAN NEEDED HELP. HE COULDN'T TAKE DOWN THIS BEAST ALONE! BUT HE HAD TO! THERE WAS NO MAN OR BEAST IN SEVERAL MILES WILLING TO HELP! BUT DEEP DOWN, REAL DEEP DOWN, H-MAN'S RIGHTEOUS FURY BURNED BRIGHT. SO BRIGHT, THAT IT OPENED MY EYES."

"AND IN THAT MOMENT, THE GRIZZLY GUTS OKWARI WAS BORN!"

"THE FIRST THING I FELT WAS THE ANGER, THE RAGE, THE SORROW! SO THE FIRST THING I DID WAS SLAM THAT BEAST INTO A TREE! OOOH IT LOOKED LIKE ITS BARK WAS WORSE THAN ITS BITE! AND AFTER SEVERAL MORE BLOWS TRADED AS THOUGH WE WERE MERCHANTS IN A MARKET PLACE, THE BEAST FLED IN FEAR OF MY LIFE. BUT I WAS WEAK FROM BATTLE, NOT YET WAS I THE MAYER OF TENA-CITY! THE FIRE WAS DWINDLING, AND H-MAN AND I PASSED OUT."

"H-MAN WOKE UP IN SOME SMALL HUT, WITH A WITHERED OLD WOMAN TENDING HIS WOUNDS. TUNRS OUT, SHE'S THE WITCH HE'D BEEN SEEKING! SHE AGREED TO HEAL HIS MOTHER, IF HE TURNED HIMSELF INTO THE AUTHORITIES. AFTER HE WAS FULLY HEALED, HE INDEED TURNED HIMSELF IN. SHE HAD SHOWN HIM THE LIGHT. AND AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF PRISON, I VOWED TO TRAIN US. I WAS AWAKENED FROM H-MAN'S MIGHT, AND I WASN'T TO BE QUELLED SO EASILY. SO H-MAN AND I ENTERD THE PRIZE FIGHTS, GAINING PROFICIENCY AND FAME ACROSS THE LAND."

"NOW, HOW I CAME TO THIS PLACE, IS ANOTHER STORY…"

"WHILST VISIT-ING A PORT TOWN IN THE SOUTHEAST REIGION, SOME CROC-MAN BEGAN BUGGIN ME WITH HIS 'MAGIC POWER POTIONS'. HE BUGGED ME FOR 3 HOURS! 3 HOURS TOO LONG FOR ME! SO I CHELLENGED HIM TO A FIGHT, ME AND HIM, 1 ON 2, I SAID. HE ASKED ME 'WHY 1 ON 2? DO I GET A FRINED TO TAG IN?'"

"'NO!' I SAID. 'BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW STRONG YOU'RE PATHETIC PITIFUL POTIONS ARE, YOU'LL STILL BE NUMBER TWO. Y'KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE I AM NUMBER ONE.'"

"WE MET ON THE DOCKS TO SETTLE THE SCORE OF ONE ON TWO. THE COURSE OF THE FIGHT LEAD US TO BOARD ONE OF THE DEPARTING SHIPS. AFTER FOUR DAYS OF STRAIGHT SCRAPPIN' I THREW THAT CROC OFF THE BOAT, SCREAMIN 'SEE YAH LATER, ALLI-GATOR' WHEN THE SHIP CAME TO PORT, I VIEWED THE EXPERIENCE AS A SIGN TO CONTINUE WORKING, BUT IN A NEW LAND OF OPPORTUNITIES. AFTER ALL, I AM THE MAYER OF FELICITY!"

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