Session #91: Mischief in the Mausoleum

GM : Drewski

Max Player Count : 5?

Level Range : 4-6

Client : Arthonian J. Bernathis II of Bernathis & Sons Legal Consulting

Current Players :

Location : Rhoegr

Date : 11 Jan 2020 05:00

Start Time : 8 PM

Job Link : [[[]]]

Session Description :

Greetings Adventurers.
I require your specific set of skills for a very unfortunate end. You see, I require that something be recovered from a location where one of the deceased has been laid to rest. I can assure you however, this endeavor is completely legitimate and well within the bounds of Rhoegan law. I cannot give out many details, but suffice it to say that it will be dangerous and that you will be well compensated for it.

Session Summary :

The Squad: Juergen, Haafi, Weyland, and Quentin. Plus Knafffff. Knafffff is now a snake. I guess.

The Mission: Lawyers. Fucking lawyers. And the people who hire them. I’m gonna just skip the nonsense of trying to figure out what exactly we needed to do, and just tell ya. We needed to correct an error in carrying out a very rich man’s last will. There’s a sword that was interred with him but it was actually supposed to go to his niece. But see, this will is very, uh… secretive. The lawyers (One Arthonian J. Bernathis II and his daughter/attache Visonya Bernathis) (elves) were not permitted to refer to location as a tomb, crypt, mausoleum, grave, or any other synonym, nor in any way refer to it as a place where dead people are laid to rest. Amongst ourselves, we settled on “very senior residence”. The lawyers were also permitted to speak of the protections within this very senior residence, and could neither confirm nor deny that such protections existed. Finally (well probably not but I can’t be expected to remember everything) (there were a lot of legal documents) they could not tell us where the very senior residence was. We had to follow Visonya, who would be walking by the place later today. Oh and we had to sign an NDA.

The place, well, certainly looked like a mausoleum. Three pillars outside had the words Prosperity, physicality, and revenge written on them. Weyland jimmied the lock and we entered the very senior residence.

The first puzzle was a grid of pressure plates with letters on them. The hint was “the first wish”, and the safe path spelled out the phrase “Wealth beyond imagination.” The second puzzle was… to knock on the door? There was a room with various statues, depicting people of many different ancestries, including the handsomest goblin we had ever seen. Yeah the hint was “the second wish” but we just kinda… there was a door with a knocker on the other side and we just… knocked.

Then we came to the final room. With, y’know, tons of treasure and shit. Oh and a Djinni, named Mirava. She was like “yeah I do have to kill you, contractual obligations and all that, but I’m in no rush.” She gave us the full story.

“This man (gestures to the ornate sarcophagus) freed me from my lamp, and as is the custom, was granted three wishes. His first wish was ‘Wealth beyond imagination’. I made him wealthy, yes, but no one would remember him. His second wish was ‘to be the handsomest of them all’. He didn’t specify all of what, however, so I turned him into the handsomest goblin of them all. He wasn’t very amused by that, so he hired a law firm for his third wish. Which, in a nutshell, was to bind me here as the guardian of his tomb for all of eternity. The ‘revenge’.”

After arguing about whether we could free Mirava, we decided that yeah no, we can’t. Maybe a better lawyer could, but according to Mirava, that shit’s bulletproof. “Believe me, I’ve tried.” Also, that sword is “nothing special. It makes sense. He never did like his niece.” So yeah, we had to fight. Not only Mirava, but also the golden statues of a scorpion, a beetle, and a cobra, with Mirava animated with a wave of her hand.

Initiatives were rolled, guns were fired (well, one gun was fired, shut up), songs were played, dice were manipulated, hammers were thrown, dudes were punched, and we made it out with the (definitely cursed) sword. Mirava survived as well.

We were paid, and also given a business card, which can be used to summon a lawyer for one hour of complementary legal consultation. Useful!

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